FAIRNESS

 

 

Hello friends,

 

It’s been a while since my last blog, I know, but I have been rather preoccupied with exams lately. I am nearly finished, one left in just over a week.

In the last few blogs I’ve been talking about values – more specifically, the values that make up the 6 pillars of the Character Counts foundation.

 

Now, the values we’ve examined already are Trustworthiness, Respect and Responsibility. I had said that I would say more about responsibility – perhaps I will, but not this time. Instead I would like to look at the “F” in TeRRiFiCC – for fairness. Now this is a very hard value to write about, in my opinion. On the face of it, it would seem straight forward, treat everybody the same, without discrimination or favour. Apportion everything equally. I would suggest that this is far too simplistic. I do not know if I have a complete handle on this issue of fairness, in fact I don’t think I do, but once again, not being one who has all the answers does not mean that I won’t try. Recently in South Africa they had something called “Heartlines” – 8 values – 8 weeks – join the conversation. That’s what I want – conversation. 

 

One way to think of fairness is “people get what they deserve or require.” – so, the employee must be paid a living wage, commensurate with his qualification, experience and input. On the other side of the coin, the employer can expect that tasks are done as efficiently as possible. Does fairness mean equality? That is one of the meanings ascribed to it in the dictionary I’ve consulted. If it’s a case of distributing candy / sweeties at a children’s party, it’s easy enough to be fair. When we introduce the concept of division to children at school, we make use of their keen sense of “fairness” when it comes to sharing. The communist vision was that everyone was equal and entitled to equal income and equal assets. They overthrew the aristocracy, who they accused of oppressing the masses. (They did too!) Then they ran the country. However, far from developing a classless society, a new “upper class” arose! The ruling class. Who was it who said: “Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely?” I think that sometimes, fairness does not imply equality. Sometimes, one person needs a bit more than another to make up for other deficiencies. Most governments pay out “disability grants” to disabled people, to help them cope with the added financial burden of having a disability. For example, a paraplegic person may be able to drive a car, but their car needs to be specially modified, as they cannot use their legs, so they require automatic transmission, and a brake that they can apply with their hand. Such a car will be more expensive than a normal car.  This is only one example of many ways a disabled person needs a bit extra. 

 

In South Africa, Affirmative Action rules the day. I chuckled when I read on a certain website form “BEE status” and if you clicked on the dropdown list, you were offered Black, Asian, Coloured, White, etc. In other words, they wanted to establish the race of the person filling in the form, but they could not ask straight out. BEE stands for Black Economic Enhancement, I think. Affirmative Action and BEE are described as means to redress injustices of the past. Affirmative action however can only work by discriminating against certain people on the basis of their race. I think it is taking the old apartheid and turning it on its head. Some may believe that Affirmative Action is fair, I don’t.

 

Another meaning attributed to “fair” in the dictionary is appropriate or acceptable. We have the idiom, “to give someone a fair hearing” meaning to give somebody a chance to give their side of the story before making judgments. This is important. Regardless of the issue at hand, we must always realise that there can be circumstances of which we are unaware, that have at the very least influenced the decisions or actions of another. If we are going to make judgments about other people, let’s be ready to hear the different perspective.  Another idiom is “to give somebody a fair crack of the whip.” This means to give somebody a chance to prove themselves in an activity. I have just written an exam on Assessment in Mathematics. Assessment is about giving the learner the opportunity to demonstrate their knowledge and skills. This is very different to the perspective on assessment that many of us are used to, where, it was thought that role of tests was to try and trick us into making mistakes. The value of fairness means that if you are having a conversation with somebody else, you do not try to dominate that conversation but allow the others to have a fair crack of the whip and put their perspective across. Fairness means being willing to listen before you speak. In the context of family, it means allowing the youngest member to have his or her say too.

 

One other aspect of fairness that we need to look at is not so much in the area of receiving, but in the area of giving. No man is an island, entirely self sufficient in every aspect. The communities we live in all require things to be done in order for them to function. Now on a national and even a town village scale these responsibilities are apportioned to people who are paid to carry out these services, but when we come to the home and church or club or workplace, there are contributions that need to be made both in terms of finance and effort to make our the places we live in function. The RESPONSIBILITY that each person bears to contribute will differ according to the person’s age and abilities, but almost everyone (babies and toddlers excepting) can contribute to some degree. Fairness dictates that we each do our fair share. The church I belong to meets in a school hall, that is, of course, used by the school during the week, and by the church on a Sunday morning. This necessitates a weekly set up of all the chairs and equipment for the service and after the service is over, chairs need to be stacked up and put away again, and all the equipment too needs to be put away.  Our church has set-up teams, to which every male member of the church is signed up (as a matter of course.) It amounts to two Sundays in the year that a person has to get up earlier and start setting up, and stay a bit later to make sure that everything is put away. I wish I could say it works like a bomb, but the fact is that there are always those few, who will try and duck out of doing it. It is very frustrating for the team leaders who often have to do their week as well as their own. Even if your church does not have such an arrangement, or is fortunate enough to have its own building so that a weekly set up is not required, there are always things that are needed around the place, and if you notice the need and are in a position to help, why not just do it.

 

How about our homes. Everybody can make lives easier at home by doing their fair share. Do we always need to be asked to do something before we do it? If we are asked by a parent, a pastor or a teacher, to do something, do we do it cheerfully and to the best of our ability or do we make a lacklustre effort and with a sigh or a groan? Could you confidently say that you would respond in the same way if Jesus, personally, were to ask you to do it? You know what, He is. Now I share this with you, not as if I am better than you in this regard. Probably far from it. We all drag our heals from time to time, but the thing is, is it to the Greater Glory of God? Remember A. D. G. M. (See my blog for October 2005 )

 

 I have a book on Character Foundation that is aimed at teaching values to children from a Christian perspective. On Fairness, they refer to what is commonly referred to as “The Golden Rule.” Matthew 7:12 – Jesus is speaking the Sermon on the Mount. He said: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” To my mind, these words say all there needs to be said about Fairness. Think about all the implications of acting according to this maxim.

 

However the F in TeRRiFiCC could also stand for FORGIVENESS and also for  FAITHFULNESS. Hmmm… Maybe it should be TeRRiFFFiCC.

We mustn’t forget FRIENDLINESS.

 

 

 

 

 

---

Express yourself with 400+ FREE Email Stamps - click here!

Responsibility

Hello friends,

 

I am tempted to avoid this one altogether, as to be honest I think I get the lowest marks when it comes to responsibility, one of the six pillars of good character, and the one that is represented by the second R in the mnemonic TeRRiFiCC. We have dealt already with the T – Trustworthiness and the first R – Respect. Now we look at this topic of Responsibility. As I write this, I am going to have to take heed of what the Lord is saying to me through the things that are about to be brought to my mind. I can tell you that at this stage, I am tabula rasa – a blank sheet. So friends, as you read this, you might not have any issues or problems in this area, but spare a thought for those weaker vessels, such as myself. If however, you are like me, join me as I journey on this discovery and by all means, chip in, by emailing me. If you are receiving this by email, simply reply. For those who read my blog, you can write to jcfairlamb@yahoo.com .

 

Speaking of replying – The root word for Responsible is response. Response means Answer. So if someone is responsible, it means they can give an answer (or should be able to.) A synonym for responsible is Accountable. Like “respect”, Responsibility is hard to define outside of a context. We all have different levels of accountability in different situations and depending on your level of authority, and your maturity, you have certain amount of responsibility in every context of your life. Let me take for example a home. In that home, there are parents and children. Every home generates expenses such as, rates, utilities, food, clothing, education, etc. It is the responsibility of the breadwinner to ensure that all bills are paid and that expenditure does not exceed income. It is the responsibility of the parents to ensure that the home is kept safe for everyone in it. It is the parents’ responsibility to bring up the children so that they in turn can become responsible adults. It is the parents' responsibility to set appropriate boundaries for their children and to ensure that their children are well disciplined law-abiding people.

 

Last week has not been a good one in the US for violence in schools. First the man in Colorado who went in to Platte Canyon High School and took six hostages, and finally shot a 16 year old girl and then himself, then there is the young 15 year old lad who went into his Wisconsin school and shot the principal. He was arrested and has been charged as an adult for the murder. It has been said that he was upset about a reprimand he had received. Two very tragic events that are symptoms of a society that has  put more emphasis on rights, and not enough stress on RESPONSIBILITY.

 

Coming back to my example of the home, though parents bear the brunt of responsibility, children for their own good, should be given responsibilities too. Now here is where I walk on eggshells, as I cannot claim to have been exemplary in this regard. A child should be made responsible for keeping his room and belongings tidy and clean........ Hold on, while I go and make my bed!...... Well, now I can continue. Growing up, I was what my family and teachers would affectionately refer to as a loskop. I often mislaid personal belongings and drove my poor parents to distraction with the things I lost at school.  

 

What can I say?           SORRY, MUM & DAD !!!

 

So as one who has had to learn the hard way (and is still learning), take it from me, the earlier children learn responsibility, the better.

 

As I mentioned a bit earlier, children should learn to take responsibility. One area that should help children learn responsibility is HOMEWORK. I know, kids, that’s a dirty word – Homework.  All jokes aside, homework is a useful tool to help children develop a sense of responsibility. I read a newspaper article somewhere earlier this year, where the author was advocating that homework should be done away with. He justified his opinion with many arguments. However on reflection, I can honestly say I disagree. I'm sorry, I cannot recall the bibliographical details of the article – it was about 4 months ago that I saw it. If my memory serves me correctly one of his points was that when adults go to work they are not given homework, and it is irresponsible to bring the office home. I don’t know if that is always the case. Some types of work are impossible to do away from the workplace, but my guess is that many executives do not switch off when they leave the office and not think about anything work related until they return to the office. On the contrary, they are continually thinking about different issues that are worrying them. A medical doctor faced with a patient for whom he is struggling to reach a diagnosis will spend many hours researching and trying to identify the problem.. Engineers and architects will have various projects on their mind. Lawyers will be mulling over the cases that they are handling. I’m sure the same can be said of judges. For teachers, there is lesson preparation and marking that needs to be done, and there are simply not enough “working hours” to complete the tasks, given time constraints and deadlines. So the reality is that most people who enter the working environment will find that they DO have a certain amount of homework to do, even if it is self-imposed, so school homework DOES prepare learners for their adult working lives. The other thing I remember about that article was that the writer alleged that HOMEWORK interfered with family time. Well, I think that is a load of hooey! Firstly, responsible teachers give much thought to how they set homework and will not set an unreasonable amount that will burden the child. If your experience is different, I think you are well within your rights to take this matter up with the child’s teacher. Children are given homework assignments to develop their own understanding of the subject. Parents can, by all means, offer assistance and direction, but parents who do the work for their children ARE NOT BEING RESPONSIBLE, and their children only learn a way of avoiding responsibility. 

 

So how does homework help develop responsibility? Speaking now with the South African context in mind, a teacher will set a homework assignment and state clearly by when this task needs to be completed. The child should immediately write down the assignment in their homework notebooks. It is THEIR responsibility to take home from school the necessary textbooks or materials that they will need to do the task. They will also have to decide (though parents often make this decision for children), when they will work on the task so as to complete it in time.  Finally they will have to take it and submit it on time. When we think of the various excuses that emanate from learners that have not done their homework – and yes I used them too – it is clear that they are not taking responsibility for their homework. “I forgot about it.” – to which the teacher will probably ask why he or she had not written it in his or her homework book.. I heard recently that teachers are no longer allowed to detain pupils during break times to have them complete homework assignments not done when they should have been done. The mind boggles. Here is a perfect opportunity for a child to learn consequences for actions. DO HOMEWORK = have fun at break time. DON’T DO HOMEWORK = no fun at break time.

 

In the same way, small children should be held accountable for their small responsibilities, so that they learn while they are still young that irresponsibility leads to unpleasant consequences. 

 

Michael Josephson, the founder and director of Character Counts, in a recent commentary entitled Kids Today, wrote:

True, I can't always control what my kids do, but there'll be no ambiguity about my beliefs and expectations regarding behavior that bears on their character and long-term well-being. My kids will have no doubt that oral sex is really sex and that casual, no-strings-attached sex under the euphemisms "friendship with benefits," "bed buddies" or "hooking up" are unwise and wrong.

You may draw your lines at different places, but every parent must draw them and hold them. Our kids need and deserve guidance and boundaries.

If anyone would like to read Michael’s commentaries online or sign up to receive a weekly email, as I do, go to www.charactercounts.org

We have a responsibility also to the environment. We can all think of ways in which we can either help or hurt the environment. We drastically need to address these matters.

We have a responsibility towards society. Some of these responsibilities are enforced by legislation, but others are a matters for our own consciences. Selfish individuals may think that they are getting away with it, but at the end of the day they will pay - in one way or another.

This morning at church, we did an unusual thing (in the context of church, that is) We had breakfast together. People brought food from home, put it on a central table. We had a time of worship and praise and we broke bread (had communion) and then we enjoyed a meal together sharing what we had, in the spirit of Acts 2:42. The man who led the "Breaking of Bread" brought very interesting scripture and illustration. He displayed the various ingredients to make brownies. He spoke about each one in turn emphasizing that alone they don’t taste so good (except Sugar, but that has other down-sides, like dental cavities, obesity, etc.) He said that some people are like a mouthful of dry flour. Others, like vanilla essence, can only taken in small doses; but when you put them together, subject them together to great heat, what emerges are wonderful tasty brownies. In the same way, God takes men, women and children, all very different, and mixes them together.  He then brings out this body of people who with God’s guidance, help us along. Somebody said to me, when you are in the body, and you allow the body to help you, you can overcome many different difficulties.

Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to forsake the gathering together of the brothers. Psalm 133:1 Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity. In Gen 4, God asked Cain where Abel was (not that God did not know!) and Cain’s now infamous reply was “Am I my brother’s keeper?” In more modern terminology Cain was implying that he had no responsibility for his brother and did not care about where he was. In fact, Cain knew exactly what had become of Abel – He had killed him out of jealousy.  Back to the theme of responsibility – the message I get from the Bible is that we have a responsibility towards one another.

Love Your neighbour! When we read 1 Corinthians 13 we can see what that love means in practice. Gal 6:2 – bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. This is a responsibility. 

Jesus said, "My children, I will be with you only a short time more. You will look for me. And what I told the Jewish leaders, I tell you now: Where I am going you cannot come. "I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other like I loved you. All people will know that you are my followers if you love each other." John 13:33-35. 

How would anyone know that you love one another, unless it is a demonstrated love.

I am approaching 2000 words with this blog and so must stop, but I would like to address one more aspect of RESPONSIBILITY, namely, people’s tendency to shift responsibility onto someone else...... but that will have to be something for another day.

Once again – I’m sure you’ve got thoughts about this whole issue, and I invite, no, encourage you, to write to me about it.

Respect

A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece called “That’s TeRRiFiC” and I told you that it stood for 6 ethics: Namely Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness and Compassion/Caring & Citizenship. These were not my idea – though the word “TeRRiFiCC” was – they come from a website called Character Counts. Last time I dwelt on the ethic of Trustworthiness – This time I hope to write about RESPECT.

What is Respect? From a young age, we are taught to respect our parents and grandparents, and also our teachers and authority in general. But how does a child respect his parents? Does respect imply unquestioning and immediate obedience? Does respect imply that one cannot criticise the actions of someone you respect? Does a lack of respect imply rebellion?

I have looked at a number of websites to get a better idea of what is respect. Did you know that The British Governement has a website devoted entirely to this subject. http://www.respect.gov.uk/ On their home page the statement appears: “Respect cannot be learned, purchased or acquired – it can only be earned.” I would only add that respect may be demanded but where it is demanded it unlikely to be supplied.

Parents want their children to respect them. They then look for signs of that respect, such as obedience and politeness. These things may indicate respect or, they may merely indicate fear. A more telling indicator of respect for a parent is the extent to which a child will confide in them. You see, politeness and obedience may be done out of fear of the consequences of not being polite and not obeying. But a person will never open up and confide in a person for whom they have no respect. I am sure many a professional counsellor or psychologist would endorse what I have just said.

I think there are two essential ingredients to gaining the respect of others:

1. You respect yourself.

2. You respect others.

A basic component of respect is acceptance. Acceptance of another person that although he or she is different from yourself you accept them the way they are. Thus if we are to respect ourselves, we need to accept ourselves. A lot has been said in recent years about something called “self-esteem.” When you do a self-evaluation how do you see yourself? Do you focus on your achievements? Do you think about your relationships? Perhaps you look back over all the mistakes you’ve made in life. Do you look at the different roles you have in life, parent, child, student, worker, employer, etc.? Maybe you reflect on your bank balance or your assets, as they are how you quantify your worth? These things can lead to discontent and a very poor self-image. As a Christian, I look to the Bible for affirmations of my value. Since the Bible is God’s word and the Bible contains many affirmations of who I am in Jesus Christ, I can be sure that these statements are true about me:

John 1:12 But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become sons of God, even to them that believe on His name.

John 15:1, 5 I am the true vine and my father is the husbandman… I am the true vine, ye are the branches. He that abides in me and I in him , the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me you can do nothing.

1 Corinthians 3:16 Know ye not that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you.

Using these affirmations and many others in the Word of God, I can say God loves me, and so I can love me. This must not be confused with conceit or vanity. By reading the Bible, I realise that God has a job for me to do. (Eph. 2:8-10) As such my input is valued and valuable. If I know that I can respect myself. In that lies my respect for the value of others. If a person is struggling with a low self-esteem, it is highly likely that they will not esteem others either.

We need to help children develop healthy self-esteems. Children will learn self-respect when they see that we respect them. The best teacher of respect is to model respect.

When your eight year old is talking to you, do you really listen? How does the child know that you are listening?

If a child is in his or her room and the door is shut, do you knock before entering?

Do you talk about your child to other adults in their hearing? Is such talk positive?

Do you thank your child when he or she does something in an effort to please you, even if the result might not have turned out quite as they or you would have liked?

When a reprimand is called for, how is it delivered? Have you allowed your child the chance to defend himself?

When you have wronged your child, have you apologised?

Does your speech affirm your child? Is there anything that you say to the child which when said to another person would be regarded as demeaning, an insult, ridicule? (You may be tempted to rationalize that you did not mean it in that way. The thing is, it’s not the intended meaning but how it is understood that is important.)

If your child senses that you respect her or him, she or he will naturally learn what it is to respect and she or he will show that respect in many ways. When it is necessary to point out a lack of respect, children will be more receptive if they themselves have been respected.

You also need to model respect to your children by being respectful of all people, especially spouses, your parents and parents-in-law, the child’s school teacher, authority figures such as traffic police, one’s own employer and political leaders. (No-one said it was easy!)

I am referring a great deal to parents, but the responsibility of modelling respect is not only theirs but everyone who comes into contact with children and who can influence children. I say that, because I am not a parent. However I am a teacher and I need to respect my students, so that they will also respect their teachers and one another.

I pointed out that obedience and politeness can be shown to a person you don’t necessarily respect, but it is true to say, that if you respect somebody you will be willing to be obedient and polite towards them. Respect and Trust are very closely related. As I mentioned before, somebody would not confide in a person they don’t respect. For that matter, the person will not confide in a person they do not trust.

So, in summary, Respect engenders acceptance, obedience, politeness, and trust. The same might be said of love. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about what love is. Love surpasses respect in the sense that it is possible to love people who you do not respect (that takes a special kind of love.) it is very difficult not to love people you do respect.

Respect engenders acceptance. You show respect to your neighbour by accepting that they are different to yourself. We should be able to accept people of different racial, cultural and religious backgrounds. This means we don’t make racial jokes. We don’t ridicule another’s religion or make fun of aspects of their culture.

As pointed out on the Child and Youth Health web site: If people are behaving badly towards you and hurting you or your feelings, then you cannot, and must not, respect their unkind behaviour. Bullying and harassment should never be tolerated. (http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetailsKids.aspx?p=335&np=287&id=2356)

Respect engenders obedience: If you respect authority, you will obey, provided the demand is reasonable. If we respect a person, we will try and do what they ask us to do, again if the request is reasonable. If for some reason we cannot do something that we are requested to do, we will explain to the person why we can’t do it, rather than simply ignore the request.

Respect engenders politeness. Common courtesies go a long way to building relationships. Courtesy is a very wide-ranging subject and difficult to encapsulate everything. I need to state here that even if for whatever reason, you do not respect an individual you ought to still be polite and deal with your differences in a “respectable manner.”

I finish off with a quote from Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of being Earnest:

“Few parents nowadays pay any regard to what their children say to them. The old-fashioned respect for the young is fast dying out.”

That's TeRRiFiCC

In case you think my spelling and my typing has gone to pot, I deliberately spelt it that way.  Now you are going to have to read on to find out why!

 

I get a weekly email from Michael Josephson at Character Counts. Michael writes such excellent commentaries on right living (Ethics) that I really am so inspired. Well, The Josephson Institute has at its basis what it calls it’s Six Pillars of Character. They are:

 

• Trustworthiness
• Respect
• Responsibility
• Fairness
• Caring
• Citizenship

Do you see it now, aren’t they TeRRiFiCC?

 

These 6 characteristics are indeed very important and someone who conscientiously practices all 6 must be a lovely person to know.  Maybe I should say, “a Terrific person.”

 

If we were to take a closer look at each of the qualities in this list we could learn a lot:

 

TRUSTWORTHINESS – What makes a person trustworthy – Well the first thing that came to my mind was honesty. How honest are we. Everyone I am sure likes to consider themselves as honest people, but as Mr. Josephson frequently points out, when it comes to self interest sometimes honesty takes a back seat, or is thrown out the window. Honesty means not stealing or defrauding others. Honesty means speaking the truth in court and in every other respect. Honesty means doing an honest day’s work for day’s pay – not calling in sick when you feel like a day off. Honesty implies that you do not tell lies to avoid penalties or taxation or to gain more than your due. But those things are obvious, but there is also the honesty that goes to whether you are telling yourself the truth. You might think thsat is a nonsense statement, but people often lie to themselves. They find themselves in a bind or a difficult situation and they try to justify actions that they are know are wrong. They try to blame anyone else for their bad situation but themselves. They make excuses. I’ve been there. When one is living a lie, you cannot really be trustworthy, can you?

 

Trustworthiness also means that you can keep a confidence, where necessary. As an employee of a company you may be entrusted with key information and data that is confidential, only to be shared with authorised persons. As a teacher I have had information about students that is confidential. I am bound by contract not to divulge such information to any unauthorised person. Doctor’s, Lawyers and clergy are entrusted on a daily basis “privileged” information. They are expected to keep such information confidential. However there are instances where even though an individual may ask you to keep something confidential, because the information may be harmful to themselves, or others, a person of trust is honour bound (as well as legally required) to divulge such information to the relevant authority. However there is no room for a gossip. Someone who gossips, or who starts rumours will find that they will in time lose their friends.

 

Someone once said to me, “If someone betrays your trust, the Bible says you must forgive them, it doesn’t say you have to trust them [again]” Another way of putting it would be: “We have to love our neighbour, but it’s still wise to lock you doors.” (in other words, you don’t have to trust them.

 

The Bible says: if you have proved faithful in the small things God will give you the big things.

 

Here I think it is relevant to share a personal story: In recent weeks, I have been using my father’s car to move around. I was using it often and although my Dad would routinely remind me of how precious this car was to him and that he was not in a position to replace it, deep down he really did trst me with it and I returned each time with it, until a few weeks ago, when, I started to get too casual, and I was driving it too fast, and the inevitable did happen, I had accident in it, and the left rear panel was badly damaged. I felt awful and rather nervous about how my father would react when he heard about it. But I drove straight home, and went inside and I told my father what had happened. He asked me how the accident occurred and I had to admit that I was driving too fast and lost control of the vehicle. He was cross, of course, but he has forgiven me. I still have to pay him for the cost of the repairs, which I will do.  

 

Next  instalment I will try and right about RESPECT.

 

John

John 4

John 4:39 – 42

 

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. And because of his words many more became believers.

 

They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said: now we have heard for ourselves and we know that this man really is the Saviour of the world.”

 

These verses follow the account of Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well. Let me backtrack a bit. Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. Now in those days, such was the disdain that Jews had for Samaritans that they would literally go out of their way to avoid passing through Samaria. Jews living in the region of Galilee, in the north of the country, took a much longer route to Jerusalem to avoid going through Samaria which lay right between Galilee and Judah. But Jesus, the Bible says “HAD TO GO THROUGH” Samaria. Why was that? Was he in a hurry to get to Jerusalem and couldn’t afford the time to walk around Samaria, like every other Jew seemed to do. Evidently not, Jesus was never in a hurry as far as I could tell. He even had a stop over in Samaria, when he sat down by a well, and sent His disciples into the nearest town to look for food. Wait a minute! As we see the story develop we learn that the reason Jesus HAD TO GO THROUGH SAMARIA, was that he had an appointment – at that very well. The appointment was to meet with a certain woman. Now she didn’t realise that she had this appointment, she was merely doing what was part of her routine, going to the well to collect water. There is a long discussion that ensued between Jesus and the woman and I urge you to read it, but I won’t go into that now. Suffice it to say, that Jesus touched this woman’s heart and she was given “living water” that transformed her life.

 

She went into the village and told other people about Jesus and they come out and urged Jesus and his disciples to stay. He stayed two days. By the way, that’s quite a long stopover. Jesus clearly was not in a hurry. He taught the people of the village and many of them believed.

 

Here is what I learnt from this:

·        The woman in the story having had her own life changed introduced Jesus to the people of her village. We read of Andrew introducing Jesus to Peter, and we read of Philip introducing Jesus to Nathaniel. (Or is it the other way around??) It was not up to the woman to tell the people everything that Jesus had taught her, all she needed to do was introduce Jesus to them and He did the rest. Same is true of Andrew and of Philip.

·        Do you know what an MC is? The MC is the Master of Ceremonies. It is a person who at a party or a public meeting will welcome the people attending and introduce with hopefully a few well chosen words, the key-note speaker, and then he will sit down and the key-note speaker will come to what he was supposed to do –speak. Now people don’t go to a meeting to listen to the MC, and don’t you hate it when an MC hogs the podium and makes an unnecessarily long introduction of the speaker or is overly pedantic. No, people go to such meetings to listen to the words of the main speakers (as advertised.) Friends you may not be at a formal rally or meeting, but you can be an MC. You can introduce Jesus – the Keynote speaker – it just takes a few words like, “You know, Jesus has made such a difference in my life.”

·        The Samaritans came to know about Jesus because of the testimony of the woman, “Come and see the man who told me all about my life.” They may have had some doubts but curiosity made them listen to him. They believed when they heard Jesus speak to them. If I go to a meeting to listen to a particular person, I will not necessarily remember anything that the MC said, but during the Keynote address, I will take notes. I may not remember or even know who that MC was, but I will know who the main speaker is. When I see adverts in the newspaper, advertising Christian meetings, I am not interested in who the MC will be, but rather on who the main speakers will be.

·        If we want Jesus to stay, we don’t have to twist His arm, He is more than willing to stay and for that matter he stays forever. Jesus is not in a hurry. He is not merely passing by, but he has come for a divine appointment, and He’s waiting for you to come to the well. He’s waiting for you to come to Him, and say, “Come and stay with me.” Are you willing to open the door of your life to Him?”

·        Friends, while I have downplayed the role of an MC, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. It is a great honour to be asked to MC at any event. The MC cannot take his or her (Mistress of Ceremonies???) responsibilities lightly. They need to put in adequate preparation. They need to have a good understanding of the events proceedings, a background knowledge of the guests of honour, and the main speakers. They need to have contingencies for unexpected occurrences. The MC needs to present himself well, and be a confident speaker in his own right. He may need an amusing or interesting anecdote as an ice-breaker, but not a string of jokes or long-winded stories. While an MC isn’t the focus of the meeting, having a poor MC can really spoil a meeting. If you are asked to MC an occasion, consider it a great honour and do not let the person down who has placed that responsibility in your hands. Recently, on the reality television show, “The Apprentice” one of the two finalists had to host a charity sports event. She had approached a famous NBA Basketball player to MC the occasion. Just a day or two before the event, having agreed to do it, the player let the contestant down. This poor contestant was in a panic. She managed to find somebody else to step into the breach, but I think the no-show affected her more than she realised. That basketball player was very unfair, and did not deserve the respect that the contestant clearly had for him. So taking this on to a spiritual realm, if you have the opportunity to MC for Jesus, will you take you’re your responsibility seriously, and count it an honour to be so entrusted. Here’s the good news – you have been asked to MC for Jesus – when you go to work and talk to your colleagues, if you at school and talking to your friends. If you are playing sport, be an MC for Jesus amongst your team mates. Introduce Jesus, and then shut up and let him do the talking.

 

I am going to leave it there friends, but please feel free to let me know what you think. A good MC is not above getting some good advice from the audience.

 

Your friend,

 

John

Crossing the finish line

 

Dear friends,

 

Last week I related to you about how our lives are like an ultra-Marathon. It is with that thought in mind, that I share with you that yesterday my very dear Aunty Dorothy crossed the finish line. Dorothy is my mother's elder sister. She is now with her Lord, for whom she had a great devotion, the love of Jesus that she learnt at her mother's knee, blossomed into true Christianity and she remained his faithful servant all her life. She was 91 years old.

 

On Monday last week, Mum, Aunty Helen, Dad and I went down to the nursing home to visit her. Despite getting over a bout of pneumonia, she was still very chipper and cheerful. Mum and Helen talked about various members of the family, some of whom she remembered, others not, but nevertheless she took a great interest. She had such a lovely sense of humour that lightened the mood of the room immediately. As it happened that day, I had been doing a teaching practice at a primary school and Aunty Helen picked me up on her way through to meet my parents. I had joked with her, saying that I bet she hadn't expected to pick up her nephew from school again. She said to Aunty Dorothy that she had picked me up from school a bit earlier, to which Aunty Dorothy very quickly, but with a laugh in her voice said, "Now you are exaggerating!" - That little exchange will remain with me as a treasured memory. Even though her memory was failing her, she definitely had her wits about her.

 

Growing up in Basutoland (Lesotho), Aunty Do (pronounced Doe) was given a Sotho name which was Mamahatho. Last year, she had a fall which resulted in her breaking her hip. The following is a poem written at that time by my mother who pictured her lying in hospital, looking over her life.

 

The Song of Mamahatho

Memories, shared with Jesus

A tribute from a loving sister

-----------------------------------------

 

As I near the end of my journey and the dear gates of Home I can see

I reflect on the way that You took me, and the joy there is going to be.

I remember a mother so pretty, who loved me and cared for me so;

But I was so small when you called her, and I didn’t want her to go.

 

The year I was born, the world went to war and Dad had to go far away -

Back in Basutoland, Mother and I really missed him, so we found a way

To be nearer to him, at Mother’s old home, so we sailed away on a ship -

But we both fell ill and kept to our cabin, so it was a terrible trip.

 

When I got better, my mother was gone, and she didn’t come when I cried,

But You were so faithful, Aunt Brenda was there, to love me and stay by my side.

Then Daddy came home - The Great War was over and we all got so fond of each other

For we all loved my mother and missed her so much, that it helped us to love one another.

 

So Dad married my aunt and we all went back home to Basutoland, where I was born,

So You proved your love, and I had a new Mum, a new name, a new family, new Dawn.

But You loved me too, and You gave me a big happy family to love:

Three brothers, two sisters to love me, were the first gifts you sent from Above.

 

Happy hours in Basutoland’s mountains, happy holidays down by the sea,

We grew up mid love, fun and laughter, my sisters, my brothers and me

Of course there were times when my pathway led me down to a valley of tears

But your loving hand always guided me through all the worries and fears.

 

,In all the worst times You were faithful, bringing comfort, encouragement, hope,

And You showed me the way up the mountain, with advice, and a shove up the slope!

You took me to pinnacles of pleasure. You brought Terry into my life,

And You gave us our four lovely children and fulfilled me as a mother and wife.

 

One dark day it happened. My Terry was gone, so sudden, so brutal, I thought I would die…

But you held me close, and whispered your love, and I gave you my grief and the sorrow passed by.

It seemed no time at all before grandchildren came, and my family burst into bloom.

There were babies and toddlers all over the place and seldom a moment of gloom.

 

Time appeared to be running as years hurried by and babies all turned into teens,

And all of the time I was conscious of You as You lead me through wonderful scenes.

Then came the weddings, one after another and more lovely children to see!

With all these Great-grandchildren I am so blessed! Loving Lord, You are so good to me!

 

And so I thank You, as well as I can, for Your faithfulness, guidance and care;

For Your bountiful gifts that have lit up the road that we’ve traveled, and soon we’ll be There!

I give Thanks for my family, every last one, my grandparents, uncles and aunts;

My cousins far spread now, their husbands and wives and their children, all part of the Dance.

 

For my dear lovely Mother, whom I long to see when I get home in the morning.

Dear Dad will be with her, and my second Mum, and my Terry! The new day is dawning!

Brothers and sisters I mustn’t forget: Tom, John, Paul;   Helen and Ruth.

Each with a family for me to love, and I do love them so, that’s the truth!

 

I give thanks for my children, so precious to me, and their loved ones, (my dear children too)

Seventeen grandchildren, husbands and wives, and the babies so sweet and so new;

And when I get home, I hope they won’t cry by my grave or by some memory wall

For I’ll be so happy to be Home with You, and I’ll watch over them all.

 

They will see me in the wind and the rain and the sunlight that brightens the hill.

In the bright little birds at the window pane and the roses that nod at the sill.

And the wish of my heart is that they will know You, and that You will be close to each one,

So that you’ll bring them all home at the end of the day, when their journeys on Earth are all done.

 

 

Biography

 

Brenda Dorothy Anne Kennan was born on 9^th October 1914, at Mohali’s Hoek, Basutholand. Her father, Tommy, an officer in the Royal Welsh Fusiliers, went off to war in Europe. Dorothy, her mother, decided to return to England with little Dorothy to wait for her husband there. Aboard ship, on the way home, little Brenda contracted measles. Her mother decide to keep this a secret and nursed her privately in their cabin. As result, Dorothy caught measles too. When they reached England, little Brenda who was then three, recovered from the illness, but sadly her mother didn’t, and she died. Dorothy’s younger sister, Brenda, took responsibility for caring for little Brenda and little Brenda bonded with her. Tommy returned after the war and their common sadness at losing a wife and sister drew them together, and they got married. This upset many of the family, but eventually they accepted it and Tommy and Brenda lived a very long and happy life together, having five more children. To avoid confusion and to honour the child’s mother, they decided to call her by her second name, Dorothy.

 

Dorothy married Terry Dutton in 1940. They had four children Dorothy Margaret (Polly), Robin, Myles and Frank. In 1963, Terry suddenly passed away, leaving Dorothy with a family of teenagers. Looking at her family today, we can only say what a wonderful job she did.

 

I did not meet Aunty Dorothy until I was a teen, as I grew up in Zimbabwe, and she always stayed in South Africa. However I did know about her as every year, on or around my birthday, I would receive a birthday card with a postal order for a few Rand in it from Aunty Do. I did not realise until later in my life, what a sacrifice that was for her. I would see her from time to time, when we visited Howick, but sadly, did not get to know her as I would have liked. I remember her cards always contained a sweet letter written with much affection.

 

The poem above reflects her strong faith, and her many friends will remember her faithful service to her church and her neighbours. Mum says she is sorry that she made the poem so long, but summarising 9 event-filled decades is not an easy task.

 

See you next week.

 

John

 

 

FW: Running the Race or What lies within

Running the Race or What lies within

 

June 16^th in South Africa is a public holiday - Youth Day. It is the day on which the world famous Comrade’s Marathon is run, each year. For those who don’t know, the Comrade’s Marathon is run each year between Durban and Pietermaritzburg. Each year they change direction, one year starting in Pietermaritzburg (The Down Run) and the next in Durban (The Up Run). This year was an Up Run. The distance is 87.5 km.

 

My friend, Blessing, competed for the 8^th time this year, and though he was disappointed not to have won a Silver Medal he did get a Bill Rowan Medal with a run of 8h 56min. Naturally, I was keen to watch his progress. As he is not one of the front runners, the chances of seeing him on TV amongst the thousands of runners were slim, but I could at least chart his progress, via the Comrades website, which I did.

 

On the home page of the website, there is a quote: “What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson.

 

I cannot be sure of what Mr. Emerson’s intended meaning was, but may I share what I understand by the statement and share with you some insight I gained from these words?

 

Firstly, I felt that the quote is indeed apt when connected to an ultra-marathon such as the Comrades. To compete in the Comrades takes a great deal of preparation, and athletes generally train for a year before the event so as to be at peak fitness on the big day. There is the physical training, each day going out for lengthy runs to build up the physical stamina needed for the run. There is the mental training too. The runner has to prepare himself to endure and to push on through the pain and the tiredness that they experience during the race. They have to focus on their goal, which differs from person to person, according to their own experience and their purpose in running.

 

I am not entirely sure what Bles’s purpose in running the race is, (though I’m sure he will let me know when he reads this,) but there was another person whose progress I was interested in, although we have never met. His name is Paul Dolman. Paul competed on Friday too, and I am pleased to say he completed the marathon in 11 hours and 53 minutes. Paul has made history as the first person with Cystic Fibrosis to compete in the Comrades, or as far as we are aware, any ultra-marathon. His determination is an inspiration to us all. If you are interested in reading about him, go to this link:

http://www.sundaytribune.co.za/index.php?fSectionId=160&fArticleId=3297403

May I suggest you do not miss this story!

 

Bles told me that the night before Comrades, he didn’t get a wink of sleep as the hotel where he was staying in Durban had a very loud disco that kept going until the early hours. He was also feeling a bit nauseous and the combined effect of exhaustion and nausea affected his running and slowed him down – but it did not stop him! He had a goal in sight and he kept pressing on towards it.

 

Paul said, "I almost baled out half-way. It's really hard, too hard to even describe. It's like a nightmare after 70km. The road's long and helluva winding. You start wondering why the hell you are doing this to yourself, but the spirit of the race keeps you going."  Well Paul, it’s not the spirit of the race, my friend, but the spirit within you – that amazing  faith and determination that made you press on, despite the difficulties. You certainly are an encouragement to us all. I was most inspired when Dr Graham told us about you at Bible Study.

 

While the Comrade’s Marathon is a race in the sense that we all want to know who the first man and the first woman across the finish line are, everyone who completes the distance before the cut-off is a winner of sorts. The first man and woman across the line get the biggest prizes for their efforts, (lots of money!) but with Comrades, as with many other ultra-marathons, there is a medal for everyone who finishes before the final cut-off. For many, it is not about speed, but about persevering, keeping going to the finish. The majority of athletes are proud to achieve a bronze medal, (by getting in before the 12 hour cut) but the next time, they try to break the 9 hour cut. This wins a Bill Rowan medal, in memory of the first man to win the race, in that time. If they make it before seven and a half hours, they win a silver, and the first ten men and first ten women in, win gold medals.

 

My point here is that you cannot win anything unless you keep going. For the runner, it is he or she against the road. All the facilities are there to help them on their way, like refreshment stations, and medical tents to help with those who are struggling, but at the end of the day, it is the athlete who has to run the race.

 

I am reminded that our lives are likened to a road race – or maybe more likely an undulating cross-country-cum-obstacle-race. Without question, life sometimes throws unexpected and debilitating circumstances our way. We may be confronted with sickness or disability in ourselves or our loved-ones. We may find ourselves out of our depths economically. Our marriages or businesses may be in tatters. We may have to deal with family or friends who have made unwise choices, or who have fallen foul of the law. We may be victims of crime, and have the added insult of seeing the perpetrators acquitted as a result of a “technicality in the law.”

 

How does one pick himself up in such circumstances, and continue with the race of life? Some don’t, and simply “bale” – we call it suicide. Either the person becomes so overwhelmed, they lose perspective and try to kill themselves, and sometimes; succeed; or they simply check out mentally. They close down mentally and spiritually. The common terms for such an experience are “burn-out” or “a nervous breakdown.”  Fortunately with much love and professional care, people who have had such breakdowns have been able to recover and return to their lives. Other people deal with the pain in their lives by succumbing to addiction to drugs, alcohol or other destructive behaviour patterns. These things are understandable, but they are not the answer!

 

The truth is that as we run this race that we call life, there will be things that slow our progress, and it may be necessary to walk or even crawl on occasions, but we must keep pressing on towards the goal that lies ahead of us. To use another race as an analogy, when athletes race over hurdles, if they knock one or two over accidentally, they don’t give up, and they are not disqualified, but the knocked hurdles will slow their progress. The athlete does not dwell on the felled hurdle, but keeps running towards the finish line. Bad things will happen, but we cannot allow what has happened in the past to impede our progress forward. Neither should we allow the obstacles ahead of us, real or imagined, to make us give up altogether. We need to keep going, believing that when circumstances demand it, we’ll have the necessary strength to keep going.

 

Everybody who sets off at half past five in morning at the start of  Comrades, believes that they can reach the finish line within the twelve hour time limit.  If you started that race with the thought that you might not make it, I believe you are already defeated. You won’t.

 

So in summary, like the tough ultra-marathon, life demands perseverance. Perseverance is born out of resolve. One can only have resolve if one has purpose.

 

Do you know what your purpose is?

 

There will be refreshment stations along the route, and even the odd medical tent. There will be coaches and seconds to give the necessary advice and encouragement. There’s nothing weak or wimpish about taking advantage of the facilities that are provided. In fact, you’d be crazy not to take advantage of them. They are there to help you keep going so you can reach your goal. .

 

Remember, only one person can run the race for you – that is you.

 

As a Christian, the inspiration behind my purpose and what gives me courage to persevere when the chips are down is the knowledge that Jesus has gone ahead of me, and is my guide and mentor. He has left me with a task of bringing the Good News to my fellow contestants in the race of life.

 

I wish you all fitness and stamina for the race that lies ahead of you.

 

John